I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
