Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Damn victory sex feels great
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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