i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
