It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Shame - the story of my life.
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