Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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