I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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