I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dude. I can hear the air.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
