now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My vagina just clenched in fear
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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