Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize