You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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