I puked a lego.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
