You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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