EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
