She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
