ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
