If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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