am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize