So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize