Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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