i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
