I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
