Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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