i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
