I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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