At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
