i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
