so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
