I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
