he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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