i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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