actually, I'm a sock model
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
