You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
