she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a beard to bite.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My life is pants optional.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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