I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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