i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
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my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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