ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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