please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
