I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
