I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize