I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
