pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
