Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
