These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
