Too much gin, very little bucket
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
