ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
