Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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