I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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