i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
