Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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