dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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