ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
