There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need moral support for this bender
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
