I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
