while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
