Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
