How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
