We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
