I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
