Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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