When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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