Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
