Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
