At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
