I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
