I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize